Twenty-seven years ago, I wrote my first “Remember Frankie” letter.
It is this mother’s annual remembrance for my youngest son Frankie Poulos, who was killed in a crossover collision on Highway 37 on Jan. 11, 1993. He was 18. I dedicate my letter this year to everyone who lost someone they love in 2020.
Two words dominate my thoughts as I write this – loss and hope.
Loss is a journey, not a destination. In the beginning, there is no escaping the intensity of the sadness. It is as if you are moving in the opposite direction of the tide which is relentless.
Returning to normal without Frankie was not a possibility for us. We needed a new normal where loss and hope co-exist. Hope was essential for us in creating this new normal.
In Viktor E. Frankl’s seminal work, “A Man’s Search for Meaning” he wrote:
“Life can be made meaningful … through the stand we take toward a fate we no longer can change.”
Frankie’s death was a fate we could not change.
In order to live again we needed to find meaning in this suffering and honor his life. It was not at all clear at the time. I can only articulate it now after connecting the dots backward.
For Frankie’s father Jim, knowing why and how it happened was important.
He said at the time, “If it was an accident I will let it go. But if it could have been prevented, I will devote my life to making sure it never happens again.”
The independent research he did convinced him that further crossover deaths on the dangerous roadway could be prevented.
His commitment to righting this wrong gave us hope. He led us out of the darkness. In partnership with Jeff Prugh, the former IJ Opinion page editor, as well as his successor Brad Breithaupt and former state Sen. Mike Thompson and former Assembly member Kerry Mazzoni, Jim fought successfully to convince the California Department of Transportation to install a concrete median barrier on Highway 37.
As a result of their leadership and persistence, on June 16, 1995 Caltrans agreed and announced plans for the concrete barrier.
From 1991 to 1995, 28 fatal crossover accidents occurred on that deadly 10-mile stretch. Since the barrier has been installed, crossover fatal collisions have ceased. This is a testament to what can happen when competent, caring and committed people work together.
Inspired by Jim’s work on Highway 37 in 1994, Frankie’s friends and family created the Frankie Poulos Foundation. The annual campaign fueled by hope has inspired people from all over the world to become one of Frankie’s angels.
Hope is a universal language. When donations come in from nine countries to the Frankie Foundation — thousands of miles away in Novato — it is hope for the future of the world through our children that inspired them.
As of this writing, more than $320,000 has been raised for nonprofit youth organizations in the Novato community where Frankie grew up. This year, more than ever, these organizations who dedicate themselves to the development of young people need our support.
On behalf of Austin Wondolowski, the foundation’s vice president, Jim Poulos (treasurer), Jimmy Poulos (Frankie’s brother), Melissa Anderson (sister-in-law), the family of godmother Emily Gates and me, please accept our heartfelt thanks and gratitude for your generous community support in Frankie’s memory
Every year, I end this letter by asking that you remember Frankie. This year, in honor of Frankie, I ask that you reach out to someone who is suffering and give them hope.
Kelly Poulos of Santa Rosa is president of the Frankie Poulos Foundation. For more information about the organization, visit its website, FrankiePoulos.org.
