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Imagine participating in some of TV comedy’s most iconic moments as they come alive before your eyes. Riding a tricycle on the set of Nickelodeon’s “Double Dare.” Grabbing a frozen banana from “Arrested Development’s” Bluth’s Original Frozen Banana Stand. Sipping a Scuttlebutt cocktail from Les Bos, the “girl” bar in “South Park.”
That’s what it feels like to be at Comedy Central Presents Clusterfest, the comedy, music and food festival that is now in its second year at San Francisco’s Civic Center. The festival runs June 1 to 3 and brings big-name comedians, including Amy Schumer, Trevor Noah, The Lonely Island and Jon Stewart, to the outdoor stage and Bill Graham Civic Auditorium
Without a doubt, the highlight of the three-day festival is having all that comedic talent in one place. There’s a free mobile app that helps you plan your schedule around their sets, too. Pack your evening with as much talent as you can. But spend a bit of the late afternoon walking around. There are definitely a few sites, bites and selfies you don’t want to miss.
For starters, spend time in the meticulously re-created Paddy’s Irish Pub from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” Located inside a tent, the bar has a real facade and interior that is spot-on, down to the decrepit office, meager stage and non-functional bathroom. You completely expect Danny DeVito to come walking out of a stall.
From there, make your way to the South Park County Fair. Most of the games are simple and predictable but with a South Park twist — Member Berries Skee Ball, Fishin for Water Bears — but you’ll relish the opportunity to take a selfie of the Tom’s Rhinoplasty set and remember when schoolteacher Mr. Garrison gets a nose job and becomes the spitting image of David Hasselhoff.
Afterwards, you’ll want to take time to explore the culinary options. More than 25 gourmet food stands and trucks line the perimeter of the Civic Center. And while the set up is not nearly as involved as August’s Outside Lands, with its delineated Cheese Lands and Wine Lands, you will appreciate a diverse range of savory and sweet Bay Area offerings, from Poki Time bowls and Rocko’s Ice Cream Tacos to Itani Ramen cups and Woodhouse Fish Company lobster rolls.
We sipped, nibbled, elbowed and guffawed our way through Clusterfest to bring you the five best moments from opening day. If you’re going June 2 or 3, wear sunscreen, use a clear bag — purses and backpacks are not allowed — and get ready to laugh your tush off. Now, go make your own Clusterfest memories.
Random thoughts … with Michael Che: Clad in a black hoodie emblazoned with the word “Romance,” the “Saturday Night Live” Weekend Update co-anchor and writer delivered his act to a standing-room-only audience inside Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. Che ended his set by running through some of his rejected ideas. “Here’s one,” he said, reading off a crumpled piece of paper. “Sex toys for dogs. Or how about uncircumcised dildos called the Gentile Lover. Or how about a family feud episode where they find out they’re not related. Or a skit about a bicoastal burger jointed called East Coast-West Coast Beef?”
Playing Kick the Baby at South Park County Fair: You know Kyle Broflovski’s favorite pastime with his gifted little brother, Ike, “a freckled little kid that looks like a football”? That’s correct. You get to punt that cone-shaped face right through mom Sheila’s living room window again and again.
Eating bagged spaghetti at Paddy’s Pub: Remember when Dee tries to take Charlie to a spa on season six of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and he asks what their spaghetti policy is? Well, inside the re-created worst bar in Philadelphia, you get to eat noodles and marinara the way Charlie preferred: Served in a plastic baggie and topped with vitamin balls — in this case, made of real ground beef instead of Charlie’s mixture of milk, flour and crushed vitamins.
Trevor Noah’s take-down of the male-dominated Senate: Noah’s hour-long set sent a whirlwind of emotions through the crowd, especially when he grew serious about his upbringing in apartheid-ridden South Africa, and its brand of “hand-crafted, artisanal racism.” But the highlight was his perspective on regressive gender politics and women’s healthcare. “Let’s face it,” he said, standing on the Colossal Stage in the center of Civic Center. “If men got their periods, we would get seven days of paid time off a month. I guarantee it. We’d say, “Don’t talk to me about a spreadsheet, I’m bleeding out of my penis! Maybe you should try smiling more?”
Eating Hookt doughnuts during Third Eye Blind: Sitting in the grass, inhaling these warm gourmet mini doughnuts slathered in cookie batter and washing them down with hot coffee while listening to the San Francisco band play “Semi-Charmed Life” was pretty much the perfect way to take a load off and rest those laughter muscles.
Clusterfest
When: 2-11 p.m. June 2 and 2-10 p.m. June 3
Where: San Francisco Civic Center area, including Bill Graham Civic Auditorium
Tickets: Single-day tickets $115-$279.50, three-day general admission passes, $274.50-$289.50; www.clusterfest.com
