DEAR AMY: My husband insists on being the driver on both long and short car trips.
He prefers his driving over my driving, as well as that of other family members or friends.
However, he has a bad habit of texting or otherwise playing on his phone while driving. I’ve told him to stop because I feel it is dangerous, but he feels he is in control and can “do both things at once.”
As the passenger, I’ve offered to search on his phone or reply to an email or text on his behalf, but he doesn’t accept these offers.
Most frequently, he gets annoyed at the suggestion that he put his phone away while driving. Before trips even begin, I’ve offered to drive, especially if the trip is happening during “business hours.” He refuses.
Most recently, we were on a family vacation drive that started on a Friday. My spouse spent the three-hour drive either taking conference calls, checking and responding to email, texting, and on Slack (instant messenger).
I don’t know what to do. It makes me so uncomfortable for him to be on the phone while driving, but he won’t let me take the wheel.
Your insight?
Co-Pilot
DEAR CO-PILOT: If this driving dynamic continues — with your husband “not letting” you drive while he drives dangerously — then eventually (as the popular country western song says) Jesus is going to take the wheel, eliminating this problem altogether.
According to statistics released by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (nhtsa.gov), distracted driving accounted for 3,450 deaths in 2016, and 391,000 people were injured in distracted driving accidents that year. If a car is driving 55 mph, and you take your eyes off the road for even a second to check a text, your car is driving the length of a football field without you watching the road.
Your husband may not value your life, his life, or others’ lives enough to make a different choice. But you value all of these things, and so you should force the issue by “not letting” him drive you under these dangerous conditions.
The next time you two are about to take a longer trip, you should urge him — using all of the logical arguments — to either turn over the driving to you, or to basically let you co-pilot his phone. If he refuses, you should rent (or borrow) a car, and tell him you’ll meet him at your destination.
DEAR AMY: Last week at my favorite daily coffee shop, two college-age girls moved into the booth behind me. I heard all of their loud conversation: The descriptions of their boyfriends’ sexual proclivities and abilities were astounding. Their women friends were also discussed in much detail.
Because I was not finished with my meal and the small shop was full, I did not wish to move.
They then started to clip their nails and do their makeup, all the while discussing the boys and their female acquaintances.
I’m an old man, unused to and disturbed by such behavior.
Regardless of receiving a rude reply, should I have said anything to them? Or was I correct in forgoing my coffee treat and departing quickly?
Coffee Shop Patron, Ontario
DEAR PATRON: I’m going to share a sad reality of my job: Sometimes I have to tell people in distress that there is nothing tangible they can realistically do to inspire other people to behave differently.
In your case, you are being exposed to the current crassness of everyday life, where people overshare in very loud voices and — unfortunately — clip their nails in cafes, on airplanes and in business meetings (what accounts for this strange trend to groom oneself in public? I think we’d all like that to stop).
You could certainly turn around and ask these women to lower their voices, but they might respond by turning on you. If this is a chance you’re willing to take, doing so might have made you feel better.
DEAR AMY: “Furious Neighbor” wrote to you about her elderly neighbor’s conservative “offensive” political share on Facebook.
It’s quite obvious what your political leanings are. So maybe you can answer on behalf of your liberal friends. Why are people so sensitive these days? Whatever happened to live and let live?
Furious
DEAR FURIOUS: We live in contentious times. I received volumes of responses to this letter, almost all agreeing with you. None seem to recognize that my overall advice to “Furious Neighbor” was in fact, “Live and let live.”
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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