The people who make Hallmark’s heartwarming holiday TV movies openly admit that there’s a certain check-the-box formula to the process. It’s the rare genre where repetition and predictability — along with a sugar high of an ending— are totally welcome.
So that has us thinking: Why don’t we take a crack at creating our own? After all, the folks who write the scripts for these festive flicks reportedly earn $50,000 to $60,000 a pop (plus residuals).
To craft a do-it-yourself Hallmark Christmas movie with all the trimmings, simply choose one item from each of the following categories and string them together in a sustainable narrative. For filler, toss in a cookie-baking scene, a frantic sled race or a bloodless snowball fight.
Now grab an eggnog-based cocktail and get to it:
Pick a leading lady
To start, you’ll need a vaguely familiar actress — preferably someone from a TV series once available on VHS and who isn’t currently committed to “Dancing With the Stars”:
— Lacey Chabert (“Party of Five”)
— Candace Cameron Bure (“Full House”)
— Maureen McCormick (“The Brady Bunch”)
— Danica McKellar (“The Wonder Years”)
— Holly Robinson Peete (“21 Jump Street”)
Give her some character
Now assign some attributes and maybe a career path. She can be …
— An unlucky-in-love big-city ad exec
— A jaded, commitment-phobe writer or reporter
— A romance-starved wedding planner
— The Grinch-like CEO of a toy company
— A single mom at a crossroads in life
— A disheartened lawyer stuck with the wrong guy
Provide an idyllic, Christmasy setting
Sorry, Bedford Falls has already been taken. These are the choices you’re left with:
— A quaint, snow-covered hamlet in Vermont
— A quaint, snow-covered hamlet in Colorado
— A quaint, snow-covered hamlet in upstate New York
Set the wheels in motion
Your main character needs to encounter some unforeseen obstacle. So now she finds herself …
— Inheriting her grandpa’s run-down Christmas tree farm (or corner store, or local newspaper)
— Stranded in a blizzard while trying to get home for Christmas
— Butting heads with a former high school rival (or long-lost crush)
— Freaking out over her entry in the town’s gingerbread-house contest
— Meeting an angelic stranger who knocks some sense into her head
— Inexplicably becoming the governess to a princess
Make that love connection
Worried that your story is getting too sappy? Just go with it and have your leading lady fall in love with …
— A sensitive, outdoorsy type in plaid flannel
— Her old crush (and/or an abandoned puppy)
— The family she once walked out on
— A single dad and his adorable kid
— Life in a quaint, snow-covered hamlet
Tack on a cheeky title
Viewers judge a holiday movie by its name. Have some wordplay fun along these lines:
— “A Turn of the Scrooge”
— “Where There’s a Will, There’s a Sleigh”
— “The Plight Before Christmas”
— “Will Yule Love Me Tomorrow?”
— “It’s a Blunder-ful Life”
— “All I Want for Christmas is Hugh”
